Fall from University Grace

Lost

Just as Adam was cast out of Eden, I was kicked out of university; but while his transgression was eating the fruit from the tree of knowledge, my sin was ignoring the tree. After my dismal performance in my first year of university, I contemplated the reasons for my failure. Now, I understand the two factors that contributed to my downfall: the lack of a career goal and premature independence.

Without a career goal, I lacked direction and motivation. About halfway through my final year of high school, I was hounded by my parents to enroll in university, but until that time I had not given any thought to what career I wanted to pursue. To silence their nagging, I told them I wanted to be an engineer. Though I got high marks in math, physics, and chemistry, I was bored with them, and my dislike of the sciences became apparent in the first four months of university. I failed all my science courses.

Had I been more motivated, I might have passed those courses, but I just wasn't ready for university. In fact, I wasn't ready for any career. I assumed that the amount of studying I did in high school--an hour per day- would be sufficient to attain respectable marks in university. I was wrong. Because I could not see myself as an engineer, I could not motivate myself to study harder; then I began looking for excuses to avoid studying.

Even when I was reading my textbooks, I wasn't studying. Daydreams of sleeping on a patch of cool grass on a breezy summer day intruded upon my concentration, chasing away calculus and physics theories? By the time the daydreams ended, I had forgotten most of what I had studied in the previous hour. As the midterm week drew closer, the daydreams grew longer while the study sessions grew shorter. Studying was avoidable as long as daydreaming was possible. I escaped often and as a result I failed my math, chemistry and physics exams.

Why didn't I transfer to another program? Why didn't I just drop out?5 First, my parents had paid for my tuition and I feared they would pull out their financial support and leave me destitute. Second, my aspirations were still cloudy, so if I transferred out of the engineering faculty6 I would still lack direction. Without a definite goal, afraid of disappointing my strict parents, I remained in the program until Christmas, hopeful that my marks would improve as well as my disposition towards engineering.

However, passing grades eluded me, as did maturity. Coming from a small town and being unaccustomed to the fast-paced routine of campus life in a big city like Calgary, I inhabited the residence hall, believing that it would shelter me from competitive courses and merciless engineering professors. After the first month of adjustment, I learned that the place offered the niceties of home without the watchful eye of parents.

Snow fell in mid-December--final exam time--but I didn't notice either event, because I had become a creature of the night preying on full beer mugs in smoke-filled bars. A week later, snow covered every building on campus, which promised a white Christmas for everyone but me: my exams had been returned and I had failed all my courses. I didn't care; neither did my friends, whose marks were equally bad. We bragged of our freedom from our parents not realizing that their influence was more beneficial than the influence we had on each other. When my friends and I were not in the bar we were playing cards in somebody's room or inviting ourselves to parties held by other students in the residence hall.

At the time, my independence was exhilarating; freedom, denied me for eighteen years, was mine to experience and abuse. I got drunk with impunity." No angry mother awaited my return home at five in the morning. No enraged father tongue-lashed me for lousy grades?2 But freedom had its price: nobody told me to study harder; no one said that if I didn't get an eighty on my next three exams, I would fail; no one told me to take responsibility for my actions.

When Christmas day arrived, I found a "withdrawal from university" notice in my stocking? My refusal to claim responsibility for my actions and my abuse of newly gained independence and freedom from parental rule had combined to ensure my marks were below the passing grade and to make my Christmas black.

Unearned independence was the fruit from the tree of knowledge that tempted me and caused my downfall. Because I was not mature enough to accept the responsibility for my own future and because I abused my privileges of independence, I failed my first year of university. The causes of my downfall have taught me maturity and responsibility, and in the future I will not ignore the tree of knowledge again. Falling from Eden was enough to teach Adam; the same is true for me.

共840字

选材：英语学习 48页2001年4月